Glacial Veins
by ninabambina
Summary: "Ficlet prompt: Castle, not Kate, wakes up first after the freezer." [canon divergent - of 3x17 Setup] [Nothing changes. Sorry. Just bittersweetness.]


For Lou. Who apparently was the anon. Thank you for the opportunity to explore the nuance in this brief moment.

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><p>Blurry shadows move around in his vision. Light registers. Shades of grey, no longer the blinding glacier blue of the freezer. Sounds filter in. Muffled voices. Getting louder. Unintelligible. He winces - but, no, the light goes away. He wants the light. No more darkness. Please. No more.<p>

His senses slowly awaken. There's a strange man hovering over him. Castle's first reaction is to strike out at him. But his arms don't move. Why is nothing moving? He's stuck in slow motion. So cold. Numb. He can feel it leeching out of him.. but it's not nearly enough. The hesitation of his nerves and muscles gives him the time to process the man's EMT jacket.

Good guy. He's a good guy. Castle can feel the tension drain. He wishes the cold would leave as quickly. His thoughts are stuck on the cold. His inability to do anything, _anything_ to get warm.

There's something else though. Something he should be thinking about but just isn't. It's at the tip of his tongue. The edge of a thought. What is it? Cold. He's cold.

The EMT drapes another blanket on him. The slightest hint of warmth is wonderful, hopeful, just enough to think everything is okay. Just like - Oh, God. Beckett.

Where's Kate? Kate. Where? Cold. Tension rises again. So cold. What happened to her? He tries to reach an arm to the EMT. He needs to know.

His arm cooperates but the coordination is terrible. He grabs the man's arm roughly, but when he opens his mouth to speak nothing comes out. Just a wheezing sound of wind. The dry air of the freezer had stolen his voice.

He can't let go of the man, still processing his cotton mouth. The EMT manages to grab a bottle of water despite Castle's grip holding him in place. He helps Castle sit up. Is he talking right now? Castle should pay attention.. but the words don't stick. He concentrates on the bottle of water instead. Just enough to wet his throat, loosen his tongue. Ohh, warm water. It drowns the cold of his esophagus for but a moment.

Raspily, "Beckett." He coughs.

The man is confused for a second before logic takes over. "Oh, the woman? Yeah, she's in the other ambulance. She's still - whoa, hey, sit back down! You're in no condition to be walking. The doctor still needs to check you out."

Castle was glaring. No. "No. No hospital. I need - I need to see her."

"Yeah, yeah, no hospital." The EMT kept Castle seated on the gurney, going along with the seemingly delirious patient. "The doctor's already here. Pretty convenient, huh?" He's smiling.

Castle wants to punch that smile. And he can now. His strength is coming back. He can feel it. The warmth of anger flooding his muscles, though his bones are still cold. Just as he mentally aims -

"Hey, Castle."

"Josh?" The WTF is clearly written across his face. "What are you doing here? I thought - I thought you were in Haiti."

Josh's smile tightens, as if he's wondering how Castle even knew he was supposed to be in Haiti right now. "Change of plans. So, how are you feeling?" The doctor climbs into the back of the ambulance.

_Nooo_. He wants to see Kate. He doesn't want to see her stupid boyfriend. "Where's Kate? Is she okay?"

Josh checks Castle's pulse and looks at some machine Castle is attached to and is doing general doctor-y things when he responds. "Kate hasn't woken up yet. But she's doing better."

Castle can hear emotion in Josh's voice. Doctor Man is hiding it because professionalism, but it's still there. And Castle can't help but have the brief thought that as much as he doesn't like him, the man clearly does like Beckett. (Maybe even love?) But who can blame him? It's Beckett.

Beckett. He needs Beckett.

"I need to see her. Are you sure she's okay?"

"Yes. I'm sure. I'm a doctor."

Mental roll of the eyes.

"As tough as she is, Kate is still a very small person. The hypothermia took a real beating on her."

Shocked, "She has hypothermia?"

Josh gives him a weird look. "Yes… And you have it, too…"

EMT guy intervenes. "Were you listening to anything I said?"

"No." Castle turns back to Josh. "I need to see her."

"She hasn't woken up yet, Castle. And you should probably rest more."

He's trying to keep back the growl in his voice. "I _need_ to see her. Now."

Josh looks him in the eye for a moment. Nods in understanding. "Okay. Follow me." Josh climbs out of the ambulance, grabbing a blanket off the bench.

Castle lumbers after him. When he gets to the street, he blinks at all the police lights and the noisiness of business getting done, domestic terrorists getting tracked.

Josh holds out the half-opened blanket to him. "You gotta stay warm."

Castle takes it and drapes it around himself. Josh is already walking away from him, making his way expertly through the maze of working people to the other ambulance. Fallon nods to him from a distance. Castle waves weakly and rushes to keep up.

Josh calls the attention of Kate's EMT, exchanges some words with him. Castle tries to look around the medical worker. He needs to see her. Needs the confirmation.

This EMT seems hesitant to let him in. Castle's not paying attention to the spoken words. But then he hears Josh's last argument.

"He's her partner. He was in the freezer with her." The EMT nods solemnly and jumps out of the bus. Josh stands aside and waves his arm, indicating for Castle to move.

Castle barely hesitates before he was climbing up and sliding onto the bench. Josh followed him in. _Wow, dude, some privacy_. He's her boyfriend; shut up, Rick.

Josh busies himself doing doctor stuff. Castle reaches out carefully. His hand finds her wrist.

Kate's lips aren't as purple as he imagined… her skin is less blue than the last time he saw it… but her breathing is still shallow, still barely there. God, Kate. Please wake up.

His fingers stroke lightly, delicately, up her forearm. Cold. So cold. But she could be colder…. He wants to give all his warmth to her. Fuel her, wake her.

She looks so peaceful. And he thinks back on that burning feeling of his muscles coming alive again. He doesn't want that for her. He doesn't want her to have more pain. She looks peaceful. Almost as if… asleep. He's mesmerized by her frozen state (poor choice of words, idiot) and he's drawn to her (what's new?). And he can feel himself leaning … but for what? And now he registers the need. Identifies the want. To kiss her. Like every fairy tale he has ever read to his daughter.

Oh, get a grip, Rick. Her boyfriend is literally three feet away. He's so stupid. She has a boyfriend. He leans back roughly against wall. She will never be his. She's already spoken for. It doesn't matter how many times or how many ways they dive into things together. It won't happen. Their partnership only goes so far.

He leans his head back, blinking back the tears. She's alive. He has to comfort himself with that. He breathes from his nose, mouth clamped shut to prevent a sob from ripping out of him. She's alive. Cold but alive.

Josh slides next to him. "You have any questions?"

Still staring at the ceiling, "When will she wake up?"

"Soon." Josh rests a hand on Kate's thigh, rubs a circle. "Her body is still warming up. She's a fighter."

"Yeah. She is."

"Thank you, Castle. For doing what you could to keep her warm."

He looks at the doctor. "It's what partners are for."

"Still. Thank you. I don't know what I would've done without her." He extended a hand.

They shook. And as much as it pained a part of him, "Thank you for staying in New York."

Josh's smile grew. "Like I said. I don't know what I'd do without her." He looks back to his girlfriend. Girlfriend. Ughh.

Castle returns to watching his detective. Maybe it's his imagination, but she looks a little more pink. "Do you have water? The air was really dry. She's going to have cotton mouth."

"I'll go find some." Josh pats the writer's knee in camaraderie and goes on the hunt for bottled water.

Castle sighs. He's tired and weary and should maybe think about the case but all he can think about is a bed and Kate. _Not together, not together._ Just a bed. A solitary bed for sleep. And Kate alive. But not in the bed. No bed. Yes, bed. Sleep. Fuck. Not _that_. Ughh.

Mumbled, "Why are you hitting yourself?"

"Wha - ? Ohmygod, Kate, you're awake." He falls to his knees at her side. Both his hands grip her arm.

"Oh, God. My mouth." She looks like she has a bad taste in her mouth, as she tries to get her saliva back up and running.

"You're alive." It's reverential, disbelieving.

A corner of her mouth lifts in smile. Lightly raspy, "Yeah… so are you."

"Are you cold? Do you need more blankets? I can find you more blankets. There are more blankets. I think there are more -"

"Cas'l!" She grabs his arm weakly. "Jus' sit wih me. Iss fine." She lays back down, deflating back into the thin mattress of the gurney.

Her hand is still on his arm and as gravity makes it slide off, he grabs it in his own. She twines their fingers together. That small smile still there as she closes her eyes.

"So tired."

"Just rest. Josh is finding water for you."

"What?" She's confused. Tries to sit back up. Their hands part. "Josh?"

"Kate?"

"Josh!" Her eyes are wide before she coughs again. "What are you -? Why are you -? You're here."

Castle's hand feels the loss of her chilled hand. And his heart goes with it. He scoots away from her bedside as Josh climbs in, paying him no mind. But the doctor sits on the gurney, by her hip.

She sips from the proffered bottle as Josh speaks. "I couldn't leave. Not with the way we left things. Not -" His words falter him. He looks behind, at Castle.

The writer looks caught off guard. "I'll just -" He points outside. Josh nods, Kate smiles faintly.

Castle jumps out of the bus and leans up against the side of it. He wraps the blanket tighter around himself. The cold doesn't hurt him so much anymore. It's still deep in his bones, but it's dull. He can almost ignore it.

"Hey, Castle."

"Fallon."

"So, it appears you were right."

"Yeah." He glances down at his feet, shuffles them a little. There's not much to be said about the obvious. Fallon seems to agree.

"When Beckett's ready, I need to debrief the both of you."

"You got it."

Fallon starts to walk away before Castle calls out to him.

"Beckett and I are still working the case. Correct?"

He can see the calculating going on in the federal agent's mind. "You'll need a doctor to give the okay. Health-wise."

Castle looks towards the ambulance behind him. Yeah, Josh will give Kate whatever she wants. He grimly nods to Fallon and the other man proceeds to his next task.

Castle kicks asphalt for a while. He talks to Espo and Ryan for a few minutes. Some unfortunate gallows humor to lighten the mood. The boys leave to find leads to chase. Then Josh jumps out of the bus. He finds Castle by the side.

The doctor claps Castle on the back. "Until next time, man."

"Yeah. See you around. Oh! Beckett and I can continue working, right? Hypothermia be damned, and all that."

"Uhhh, yeah. Sure. Just keep warm and drink some fluids. Don't overdo it."

"Okay. Thanks, man."

"No problem." He claps Castle's shoulder again before parting. "Thanks again, Castle."

The weight of the ambulance shifts again as Beckett steps off. He watches her as she walks slowly towards him, wrapped in a matching blanket. "Hey."

"Hey."

She holds up her half-empty water bottle. Shakes it lightly.

He takes it from her. Swills some. "Thanks. Needed that."

She rests against the ambulance as he drinks some more. "What partners are for." She smiles when he glances at her.

He smiles back. He looks at the police vehicles parked haphazardly in the warehouse district. "Fallon wants to debrief us."

Kate tilts her head to rest on his shoulder. "We were right."

"Yup." He likes the feel of her leaning against him. But his stupid brain still has to ask, "So, what's going to happen with you and Josh?"

She sighs. "He's still here. That means we have a chance, right? He's trying." She pauses. Rests in her thoughts, her choices. "So I'm trying."

The words sink into him, as she does. Still no chance for him. But they're still partners. They're still alive. And if that's all he can have, that's what he'll take.

She uses momentum to push herself off of him and the ambulance. "Let's go. We have a domestic terrorist to catch." She takes the water bottle from his limp hand, swigs the last of it.

"Ready to dive in already?" And maybe the words are too close. Maybe it's too much.

She swallows her water and quirks a coy smile at him. As if she's caught him. "Together." She nods, pulling her blanket closer. "Yeah, I'm ready."

Whether she picked up on his subtext or not, and responded in kind, Castle can't help but feel hopeful.

He follows her into the night.

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><p>AN: I have gotten quite a few reviews questioning the point of this story, so this author's note is for the benefit of the guest reviewers whom I cannot pm, and for those who wonder but don't ask me. I never felt like this scene was game-changing within the narrative; its purpose was primarily to show that Castle and Beckett lived, that they could continue with the case. The waking order wouldn't change this, if we're being realistic. So, I re-wrote this scene to give it more meaning. The love expressed between Castle and Beckett (in my opinion and intention) is supposed to be subtle and subconscious. It's lowkey, it's just fact. I also wanted to give respect to Josh, who is simply a human being caught between someone else's OTP. I wrote this fic for the subtlety and the nuance of it. So, the point of this story is his first coherent thought, the twined fingers, the water bottle passed around, the shared experience of survival, and the looking out for one another.

But most importantly, it's about stepping aside because the one you love isn't ready, for whatever reason, and forcing her to examine her life choices during a domestic terrorist attack won't do shit.


End file.
